When you think of premarital coaching, you’re probably picturing an engaged couple talking about their upcoming marriage with a coach. But do you have to be engaged first? Can you do premarital counselling and coaching before an engagement?

Yes, you can! Premarital coaching is great for any couple in a serious, long term relationship that they want to invest in. You don’t have to be heading down the altar in order to build long lasting relationship skills.

As relationship coaches with over 10 years of experience, we’ve worked with nearly engaged, newly engaged, recently married and long term couples. Every couple that seeks out coaching is prioritizing their relationship and putting in the work to make it last. We think that’s awesome whether you’ve got a ring on your finger or not!

Why premarital counselling and coaching usually happens once a couple is engaged

The reason why most couples seek counselling and coaching once they’re engaged is because they’re on the precipice of a big life change. Their marriage is right around the corner and they want to prepare for this new stage of their relationship.

Even if a couple has already lived together for years, marriage often means combining more things, like money, and making big decisions, like whether or not to have kids or buy a home. So it only makes sense that they would want to get on the same page before saying I do.

A wedding symbolizes a big commitment to one another and many couples solidify that commitment by gaining the skills they need for an awesome and lasting marriage through coaching.

However, you don’t have to be engaged to benefit from premarital coaching! Check out nine reasons why couples should consider coaching before an engagement:

9 reasons to do premarital counselling and coaching before an engagement

#1) Premarital coaching lets you discuss the big topics before you decide to get married

A great reason to do couples coaching before you get engaged is so you can feel confident about your decision to marry one another. Before a ring is on the table and anyone has put a deposit down on a venue, you can talk through any tough topics and get on the same page.

Coaching at this stage is also very helpful as you make decisions for your life together. In this day and age, many couples are making big life changes well before they’re engaged. Coaching is a great way to get assistance through those decisions and ensure your relationship is prioritized.

#2) Couples coaching helps you work on the skills you need now

A lot of what we do at Thrive Couples Coaching is skill building. We help couples work on their skills for communication, conflict resolution, compromise, and other things that don’t just start with C!

While those skills are important in a marriage, they may also be very important for the stage of life you’re in right now. Regardless of your engagement status, it’s always a good idea to work on your relationship skills.

#3) Doing premarital coaching before you’re engaged puts the focus on your relationship, not the wedding

Once you’re engaged, you’ll be amazed at how many conversations turn into wedding planning. Many couples spend months only ever talking about seating charts, floral arrangements, menus and outfits. It can be hard to focus on your relationship when you’re so busy planning a wedding!

Wedding planning takes a lot of time and money, so it’s no wonder that relationship coaching can get skipped during this stage. By starting coaching before you’re engaged, you can prioritize your relationship without being distracted by your wedding.

#4) You can use the skills you learn in premarital coaching during your wedding planning

So many of the things we work on in coaching - budgeting, communicating, handling your in-laws - are going to be big parts of your wedding planning. When you learn those skills before you’re engaged, you are setting yourself up for a smoother wedding planning experience.

Most couples find planning a wedding to not only be time consuming and expensive, but very stressful. They end up bickering over little things, disagreeing about wedding plans and feeling like they have to do everything alone. With coaching, you can avoid these pitfalls and plan your wedding together, minus the fighting!

#5) Premarital counselling before an engagement lets you work through any current issues

Whereas coaching (what we do here at Thrive) is based on building skills for your future, counselling is focused on repairing issues from the past. If you and your partner are going through a tough time, premarital counselling might be a great idea.

Rather than ignore your issues or wait to work on them when you’re married, counselling before you’re engaged lets you tackle those issues now. You can heal from your relationship wounds and come out stronger together on the other side.

Learn more about coaching vs counselling and which one is right for you!

#6) Couples coaching gives you skills and techniques to handle other life changes

As we shared above, many couples do premarital counselling and coaching before their wedding because a marriage is a big life change. But there are other big life changes and commitments that couples make outside of a wedding where coaching skills could be very useful.

For example, you may be moving in together, having a child, moving abroad, changing careers or making another big change in your life. Those are the times when you may most benefit from working on your relationship skills (coaching) or repairing any damage to your relationship (counselling).

#7) Premarital coaching can strengthen your relationship even if you never plan to get married

Lots of couples are in serious, committed relationships with no intention of ever getting engaged or married. Some people just aren’t interested in marriage or aren’t able to legally marry in their country, but still want a lasting, committed relationship.

If that’s your case, there’s no reason why premarital coaching should be off limits to you. You can still benefit from the skills you’ll learn and conversations you’ll have in coaching, even if you never plan to tie the knot.

#8) Relationship coaching allows you to build skills even if your wedding day is far off

For some couples, they intend to get married but that day is far off. Perhaps your engagement hasn’t happened yet because you’re saving up money for a nice ring, you’re waiting until you graduate or get promoted, or you’re currently overseas and want to get engaged once you move back home. You may even be planning to skip the engagement entirely and just get married!

Whatever the reason, it’s still a great idea to invest in your relationship and prepare for your future, even if your engagement or wedding date aren’t on the 2024 calendar.

#9) Premarital coaching makes future coaching and counselling less intimidating

Perhaps the best reason to start premarital coaching or counselling before an engagement is because it means you’re more likely to seek out coaching or counselling again in the future. You already know what it’s like to work with a coach and have seen the benefits in your relationship.

So many couples wait to seek out counselling until it’s too late and they’re unable to save or repair their marriage. By doing coaching now, you’re not only building the skills you need for a successful marriage but you’re also making it that much easier for you to reach out for help in the future if you need it.

Premarital coaching for all couples

Whether you’re nearly engaged, newly engaged, recently married or in a serious relationship, we’d love to help you build your skills and invest in your future together. Check out our coaching packages and book your first coaching session today!

Can You Do Premarital Counselling & Coaching Before an Engagement?